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Thursday, January 14th, 2016
10:26 am - Chicken feet

Apparently, chicken producers are now staying profitable because exporting the feet to China is one of the more profitable parts of the business.

(3 back-splashes you go plop-plop?)

Tuesday, January 12th, 2016
11:54 am - "New Yorkers are getting better at murder"

According to Columbia economics professor Dan O'Flaherty, the odds of someone firing a gun and actually hitting another person is pretty low. And even if you do hit your target, there's only a 25% chance she'll die. Four things can increase the odds of shooting and killing someone:

1. Lots of training and practice to make you a better shot

2. Standing closer to the intended victim

3. Using a higher caliber weapon, which increases the likelihood of doing damage when you hit someone

4. Using a weapon that fires more bullets at once

(you go plop-plop?)

Monday, November 2nd, 2015
6:03 pm - A.T presidential candidate

Meanwhile, across the post-industrial West, elections have become eerily manipulated events indistinguishable from corporate advertising campaigns, in which candidates regularly make pronouncements that are obviously insincere or flat-out false but vital to placating millions of voters on hot-button emotional issues. As the Austrian novelist Robert Musil slyly intimated in The Man Without Qualities (1952), the world loves the untrue statement, and the sliest, most successful politicians deeply internalize this fact. -- Robert D. Kaplan

Has anyone noticed that if we had invented an A.T presidential candidate, Donald Trump would be it? Not so much his specific policies, but his shtick: publicity through outrageousness, lack of a serious platform, the delight in watching his bull-in-a-china shop performance, the terror he induces in all serious politicians.

(1 back-splash you go plop-plop?)

Wednesday, September 30th, 2015
10:26 pm - Paging Dr. Miller!

Does anyone know what happened to the famous Geoff Miller from alt.peeves and other fine newsgroups? I've just run into a professor Geoffrey Miller and I'm hoping that it's him. In particular, where was the earlier Geoff Miller living in the heyday of Usenet? That can be compared against the later Geoffrey Miller's CV.

(3 back-splashes you go plop-plop?)

Sunday, September 13th, 2015
7:06 pm - Damn this newfangled whatchamajigger

Okay, this is a seriously stupid question. Especially since I have all this tech background, and I support these goddam phones. But remember all I do is make them work -- I don't have to teach people how to use them. That's my excuse and I'm stickin' to it.

The situation: I've enrolled in an RA research study that sends me texts on an every-few-days basis, wanting to know 1. how long I was stiff when I got up, 2. how bad (on a scale of 1-10) my pain was today, and 3. how fatigued (on a scale of 1-10) I was today. Each of these questions comes in a separate text.

My problem: All three texts arrive at once. How do I respond to each individual text separately? When I just enter 1:30 down there on the respond line, then send it (intending to respond to text 1), it tells me "Sorry, your reply wasn't what we expected". It's only letting me respond to the last received text from them.

I can't believe I'm completely stonewalled by a fucking texting app. Any ideas? I can't put all the answers in one text, it gives me the "reply not expected" response again.

Jesus, I feel so stupid.

current mood: annoyed

(6 back-splashes you go plop-plop?)

Sunday, May 31st, 2015
10:41 pm - What we've always thought

I should avoid posting further quotes from random sources, but this gem is such a confirmation of the A.T worldview that it deserves attention. Testimony from a survivor of the Holocaust:
The SS camp commander stood close to the whipping post throughout the flogging. ... His whole face was already red with lascivious excitement. His hands were plunged deep in his trouser pockets, and it was quite clear that he was masturbating throughout. ... On more than thirty occasions, I myself have witnessed SS camp commanders masturbating during floggings."
This is on page 551 of Steven Pinker's The Better Angels of Our Nature, from which you can trace it back to its source.

(you go plop-plop?)

Monday, March 30th, 2015
10:28 pm - A new Hero

Here's an item from the fishwrap, edited down with all the "allegeds" removed, etc. This guy was definitely unhinged. It seems he got the incurable hots for a lesbian:

Adrian Loya had a plan: On his 31st birthday, he would murder Lisa Trubnikova. So he wrote an essay about why his fellow Coast Guard member deserved to die, and he traveled to Bourne from his home in Chesapeake, Va. He stalked Trubnikova and her wife, videotaping them with a camera affixed to a tree outside their Roundhouse Road house.

Trubnikova’s relatives said Loya had become romantically “fixated” on her, even though she had shown no interest in him.

A search warrant affidavit refers to “an essay written by Loya describing his reasons for killing Lisa Trubnikova,” and another document reports that a 250-page essay was discovered during a search, but the documents do not describe the contents of the essay.

Around 2 a.m., Loya, who was armed with a shotgun, a rifle, and a handgun, parked his car sideways across Roundhouse Road and lit it on fire with flares and charcoal so that other vehicles could not get by, according to the documents. He placed hoax bomb devices around his car and the Trubnikova home to slow police.

With a camera strapped to his chest, he walked to the Trubnikovas’ home, shot through the locked door with the shotgun, and stormed into the bedroom, where he found the two women in bed, according to the documents. He ordered them to get up, according to the police report, and started shooting at Lisa Trubnikova, hitting her several times in the legs and torso and killing her. Anna Trubnikova was also seriously injured but managed to call 911 to report the shooting.

Loya then left the Trubnikova home and began firing on police as they arrived on scene, hitting Bourne police Officer Jared MacDonald in the back under his bulletproof vest.

Neighbors described a chaotic chase scene, with Loya zig-zagging through the neighborhood, before sitting down on a neighbor’s deck and surrendering silently around 2:48 a.m., about a half-hour after the first 911 calls came in.

(you go plop-plop?)

Saturday, February 28th, 2015
10:18 pm - Just Do It!

Atlantic Magazine, March 2015, "The Big Question"

Q: What is the best advertising campaign of all time?

Martin Lindstrom, author, Buyology: Truth and Lies about Why We Buy

In 1987, the night before presenting a $25 million campaign to Nike, the ad executive Dan Wieden needed a theme to tie together some half a dozen seemingly unrelated TV commercials. The last words of Gary Gilmore, a murderer who had just been executed in Utah, came to mind: "Let's do it." The next year, Nike launched "Just Do It," a campaign that is still running and inspiring billions of people.

(2 back-splashes you go plop-plop?)

Saturday, February 14th, 2015
9:24 pm - Me go plop-plop!

Reddit: What is the worst/most embarrassing thing to happen to you involving bodily fluids? I'll start...

(Found while searching for "golden sphincter award".)

(1 back-splash you go plop-plop?)

Saturday, January 31st, 2015
9:19 pm - Charlie Hebdo: journal irresponsable

Doing an image search for "charlie hebdo cover" delivers many minutes of amusement, including:

(1 back-splash you go plop-plop?)

Saturday, January 10th, 2015
7:22 am - je suis Charlie

this is alt.tasteless, which was founded as a haven where we could be vulgar, offensive, irreverent, crude, politically incorrect, blasphemous, and otherwise, well, TASTELESS.

more than half the staff of Charlie Hebdo was gunned down by Islamic fanatics, because the shooters felt that the magazine was vulgar, offensive, irreverent, crude, politically incorrect, and blasphemous.

because of this, "je suis Charlie". we are all Charlie. i don't want to hear about any of us, or anyone like us, getting killed for making jokes that a crazed Muslim might take offense at; shitfire, it might be me who gets shot for saying something like "Muhammad ate pork while fucking menstruating Jewish women!"

yes, boys and girls, i feel so strongly about this that i was moved to de-lurk.

"tous les nous sont Charlie" = we are all Charlie.

(9 back-splashes you go plop-plop?)

Monday, November 17th, 2014
10:14 pm - In which Our Hero ditches the rat race and lives la vida loca

From The Week:
Hong Kong -- A British banker turned himself in this week after murdering two Indonesian sex workers in his luxury Hong Kong apartment. Rurik Jutting, 29, quit his Bank of American job just days before the killings, leaving a chilling out-of-office reply that said, "Please contact someone who is not an insane psychopath." He called police to his apartment, where they found the body of one woman on the floor and another, killed a few days earlier, stuffed in a suitcase.

The full version of his auto-response is in the Huffington Post:
The email response read: "I am out of the office. Indefinitely. For urgent enquiries, or indeed any enquiries, please contact someone who is not an insane psychopath. For escalation please contact God, though suspect the devil will have custody (Last line only really worked if I had followed through)."

(2 back-splashes you go plop-plop?)

Tuesday, September 23rd, 2014
11:50 am - For your reading pleasure

The World Health Organisation Ebola response roadmap including the all-important time-graph of cases:

It's looking more and more like the Black Death every month.

(you go plop-plop?)

Wednesday, September 3rd, 2014
10:37 am - Man ties chain between neck and light pole, drives off

From the UK Daily Mail, always the purveyor of the finest news: "Tomas Rivera, 51, from Port Jervis, New York, tied his head with a chain to a pole in the Hunts Point section of [the Bronx] and then pressed the gas pedal on his car. Moments later, the man was decapitated, with his severed head left lying in the middle of Longfellow Avenue."

(Didn't someone advocate this in the newsgroup?)

(2 back-splashes you go plop-plop?)

Monday, August 18th, 2014
10:08 am - We couldn't have invented it!

Liberian officials fear Ebola could soon spread through the capital’s largest slum after residents raided a quarantine center for suspected patients and took items including bloody sheets and mattresses.

(1 back-splash you go plop-plop?)

Sunday, July 20th, 2014
10:59 pm - Signs of the coming apocalypse

"Another win for late-stage capitalism, finally, with news that the pet name for Justin Bieber's penis has spent much of the week trending on Twitter."

(you go plop-plop?)

Monday, July 7th, 2014
7:42 pm - Glub hath visited my formerly sexy panties with his bounteous gifts of bloody diarrhea. Puked too.

ThenAgain, There's liable to be someone who finds the idea of a fiftymumbleyearoldude's sexiest purple lace panties loaded with bloody diarrhea as simply too hot to NOT Fap over. With Puke as a bonus for those it appeals to. Reportage Vs fabrication is one of my curses., The things of reality in my life are scarier than my imagined ones.

Oh- I admit to a certain er..Stylistic Grace, yet- Truth is more than good enough for Testament's to Glub. And I sung his praises to the sink during some grim efforts at prolapsing my entire lower guts.  Top Guts being pushed down as reaction to that retching whole stomach convulsive with bowel resonances pukespasms. I'd thought how tragic my not surviving  to post this would have been and mayhaps it kept me alive to testify ?

Ah well- at least Ace can glow that I thought of her whilst singing to the sink.

The purple panties were amusing coincidence as well- I was low on laundry and wifey was with her fambly.  I shamelessly used the alone time to get more En Femme than I have in a while too. Press on nails, haul out the good breast forms, HOURS On makeup just to see if I'd  still pass- even if only  in bad light- Did not risk it so went in drab but femme under it all .  It was late and the booth was taking down but had some stuff left. Wife does not like those venues. I do.

That explained my eating takeaway of sorts she dasn't eat. It was Kebab from a Westport KC street Vendor. Their booth simply screamed several subliminal messages of scent and visuals:

"Either this will taste orgasmic or it will kill you. True on the first and almost on the second.  

I'd gotten a case of food poisoning AGAIN. One more dodgy takeaway meal. Resulted in the level of abdominal hell feeling as Glub was being literally birthed feet first into my small intestine. Followed several times by the sensation of Glub sized masses going  POP the same way thru my illeocecal valve. Needless to say that this was one of those sweating,gasping, weirdly masoerotic rides that either you are nodding at or are declaring me uniquely fucked in the head. As if you fiends dasnt know that already?

Well- I'd fallen asleep on the much abused mercifully Naugahide ancient dispatch chair at my 'puter desk- and woke up feeling as if perhaps gifted with an unmedicated HARD LABOR level of contractions. Now... I openly admit to daydreams of labor etc. And having had fond memories of orgasms from enema cramps. This however- this was *PAIN* of near hurts worse than mere death.

And it went on for a long time. I've "Mostly Recovered" and have not seen any blood since.

Oh-  I was edgy about risking an enema to finish the emptying but  I figured either  I was dead already or it might help end the misery faster. Beside- me dying during an enema would be only fitting, Eh?

And that explains my losing a huge chunk of weekend- to a few hours ago. Gatorade and a shower- and one more enema has me feeling sorta alive again.  But the undies/ my green pleated skirt and those cheap fabric gymshoes  I wore as my odd style dissonance all are binned as too bloody shat on to salvage.  Chair was wiped off as it's too comfy to waste.  I was too sore to even think of a tampon-So I put on a diaper... giggle.  

(4 back-splashes you go plop-plop?)

Friday, June 13th, 2014
11:38 am - Cow manure fetish man David Truscott admits threats

A man with a cow slurry fetish has admitted threatening to kill a family who live at a farm where he has repeatedly rolled naked in animal muck.

With better details in the Daily Mail.

(you go plop-plop?)

Thursday, June 12th, 2014
10:50 am - Fun reading

Necrometrics: Death Tolls across history
including the inflamatory
Which Has Killed More People? Christianity? or Gun Control?

(you go plop-plop?)

Wednesday, June 11th, 2014
10:45 am - Good week for locavores ...

... after a Norwegian artist cooked and ate the meat from his own hip following an operation to replace it. It tasted like "wild sheep," said Alexander Selvik Wengshoel, 25.

(1 back-splash you go plop-plop?)

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